My Mr. Vanilla not only states he is vanilla, but vehemently denies any desire for kink in any form. This is making our relationship a difficult and taxing one where we are at a continual state of one foot in and one foot out the door. Shit almost hit the fan tonight and I almost packed his belongings. I find myself torn between very many worlds with him and am tiring despite the fact that he truly loves me like no other has - ever.
Let's start with the laundry list of denied kinks: #1 for him is dollification of me, his style is 1950's household (ha! just try it, I wish he would), breath play, choking, rape play with some power exchange (and he is intense), arm binding, light spanking, face slapping, receiving pain in certain places (yeah, most vanilla guys like for you to bite their erect cock and leave teeth marks, right), and he actually likes when I force him to submit and kneel at My feet (cause I ain't takin but so much shit). He also has an interest in a Master/slave dynamic. We both agreed that perhaps to avoid WWIII, that someone outside of us should be the slave as we are both way too dominant.
What attracted me to him in the first place, and I wasn't really thinking about kink 5 1/2 years ago, was his mental and physical strength. He would not submit, would not fold or buckle when we first started dating and I found him to be a worthy adversary. That's when the sparring began, and we have loved locking horns every day since then. The posturing, me calling him a "bitch," squaring off with him, the mental chess, then... the climax when his dominance asserts significantly enough to force mine into submission. Oh, how wonderful. He grabs me, spins me around, slaps me on the ass hard enough to spark goosebumps, then pulls me to him tightly to restrict my movement or to get me to obey. Or he'll throw me onto the bed, pull my hair and shove his cock into my throat before shoving it in my pussy. I doubt my interest would be there without this climax and I probably would've moved on a long time ago.
On the other end of the spectrum, he has a very traditional upbringing and background that weighs heavily on his mind. So he is vehemently not kinky at all. He will not learn Rope, he will not restrain me, collar and lead me, chain me, cage me, spank me to the level that I need it, inflict pain, inflict pleasure, or learn much of anything about BDSM. Most of the time, unless I provoke enough out of him, our sex is very vanilla. He is learning some of the little terminology, and frequently asks questions about the M/s culture. However, his face has a look of disgust when talking about kink, as well as my bisexuality that he fantasizes about none the less, and my polyamory (except when I speak of other women). Very typical of Roman Catholics, I guess, but it's creating a rift. Okay, more like a canyon.
Although I love him he is not the One and I know this. I just have to be patient. I will cross all bridges when closer to approaching them. My biggest bridge tonight will be when we go out after he gets off work tonight. It's time for some coffee, some talking, and an honest look at what we are and where we are. A true to life "comin' to Jesus" meeting. I'm tiring of his judgemental statements and looks. His "you're the freak, not me" attitude. He enjoys the sexual benefits of me being the "freak" yet hates what actually makes me one while I hate him for not being the One for me.
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